Monday, November 17, 2014

Can land hold you?







Can land hold you?

Do those clouds, full of light really soothe a mortal ache?


I wanted to dash into the sunset, fall wherever the light falls, crash like the waves, decay like the old wooden shop in Orepuki – my timbers going gray with rain. Crepuscular light seems most painterly – the land, already a canvas – the purples and pinks of azaelea leaves – impossible. The spun sun is a tangle of bracken grass growing on the fencetop and the stately stillness of evening in this vast house-turned-gallery on the edge of town with seats in formal gardens, left for contemplation. Yet I do not sit.
I’m a constant-motion machine, enlivening and tormenting the world.

And yet, there was autonomy enough, almost, for me, in the car, turning its nose on to the beach just past noon, the black-backed gulls rising on the wind, miraculous as a plane taking off. The two rutted tracks between beach grass leading to a choppy, muddy foreshore and a treacherous ocean.

There are little ‘batches’ of every era and state of repair: some eco-designed and open to the world, others small, stony, perched atop the hill and enclosed; one with windows in all directions, like a fly with compound eyes, as a concession to the coast location and the coast views.

The sweep of the road to the right as you go over the bridge at Riverton, takes you up a winding way with the toi-toi lined, silvery stretch of the Aparima, shallow at this tide, takes you into the aching distance. Macrocarpa hedges frame settled land as the Easterly rushes in with icy effect. The old skeleton of a tongue and groove kauri house fenced off to prevent encampment and to contain the cattle, gave me hope that someone had plans for its restoration. The front of the house had the river, the sides and back had a sweeping valley right through to the other coastline. Right now the meditative inhabitants chew their cud, eyeing me through the fence.

Friday, October 03, 2014

thank you to Kwi Rak


The fluid suspended clay with its own logic of form runs through my fingers like the lightest ribbon of life, finding an equilibrium which may or may not be beautiful.

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

And then - there was Cecily! Images to accompany the introduction to cartoonist extraordinaire, Celia Allison.







Between Release and Reality – there is Cecily.

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By Doris McIlwain



Cultures embroider themselves using pictures, metaphors and phrases that hit a chord.  Within this embroidery the smart and savvy cultures make room for their own contradictions.  Some creative people and traditions give voice or form to representations of those contradictions. For instance the ‘sacred clown’ of some Amerindian tribes, the court jester or the architectural follies of some European circles (Cline, 1998).  Weapons of mass distraction.



Cartoonists historically have had this role, of exploring loudly the contradictions to dominant, polite culture. As Cecily does.  Cecily explores what “goes without saying”, what is left unspoken - the tacit rules of culture. You are not supposed to think about your favourite TV show starting in five when your beau or belle is taking off your coat with reverent romance. But Cecily does.  Having made the humble gesture of telling people not to bring gifts you are not supposed to regret that gesture.  But Cecily does.  Cecily does.



We speak of genius rather than perversity or eccentricity where a person’s private obsession hits a target which others have use for, where there is the “coincidence of a private obsession with a public need” (Rorty, 1989, cited in Cline, 1998, pg 115).  And Celia’s private obsession, now uncannily public in Cecily, has hit a chord in New Zealand a chord that is now resounding across the Tasman.  Cecily has landed.



“The satisfactions of this make-believe world may not turn the world around but they can radically alter our own position in the world.” (Cline, 1998, pg 96).



We know ‘somehow’ what it is cool to show and what to hide. In response to the cultural milieu we find ourselves soaking in, we hide personal intensities and uncool sentiments- modern indecencies really.  The cultural have-to’s can be quite heavily scripted and programmed.  Yet remarkably we don’t always notice them.  Until that is we hear the siren’s call of Cecily. Cecily is the voice and face of an arch and humorous dissent, asking “Might there not be another way??????”…Sipping martini’s in the bath and chatting avidly on the phone Cecily was not entirely sure that children would improve her lot.



She has all the virtues. Charity – she listens at the dentist’s, humility – she asks you not to bring presents, practised social lying – the assumed face of delight at getting a… horse model [!], decorum - in taking off [at least] some of the face furniture.  But she also embodies the unsung virtues of a personal intensity: spontaneity, excess, the rampant pleasures of solitude as in the dance of the patchwork quilt where Cecily transcends space and time, or the excess of a personal pleasurable absorption a kind of alone-while-in-the-world…the abandon of Cecily dancing to imagined encores and the encouragement of receptive audiences, she dances herself into a frenzy.  She chimes the small alterations in being that come from giving ourselves over to a moment’s intensity.  You may think that it makes no difference just to hold back, or diminish felt intensity, but that is potentially to miss the transformation of one’s position in the world, to perhaps miss the smile that carries you through.



Celia creates a model in her cartoons, a larger than life way of being other.  She supports our desire to embrace the uniqueness and idiosyncrasy in ourselves and in others by making us laugh at the rigours of polite conformity.  And by reassuring us that by becoming more intensely ourselves we will also find greater shared connection with others.



In these times of [somewhat paranoid] hypercompetition where success masquerades as completely required even for survival, where notoriety is as good as fame, we can win through bluff, pretence and lies.  Yet Cecily thinks even backing a favourite is unfair and goes for the outsiders.  Unable to start her computer, she dusts it.  Her bluffs so thin they invite discovery, and a shared sense that for many of us, this is how it is.



In an uncertain, insecure world of shifting, seismic complexities, we try to pare away what is given, apparent, taken for granted…to find something else to satisfy our (face it) desire for frivolity…for the odd carefree release from the grind of reality.  Or to face reality with enough verve and laughter so that it releases its manic hold on us.  And this is an endless balancing act between release and reality.  We search beneath the customary for fresher strata of our mental lives.



Celia’s images have such freshness they make us feel that we could start anew after dipping into them – in a minor or a major way.  Find a new life, a “life that would be [more] our very own, that would belong to us in our very depths” (Cline, 1998 pg 112).  That’s a good thing to have springing at you from the leaves of your calendar or from your tea towel.



Cecily’s blind attachments and innocent fervour chime against a certain cut-and-thrust sophistication that is also her…her innocence is also her revolutionary edge…she is not compelled to see the world our way.



Cecily is uncanny…that which should have remained hidden is now meeting the light of day.  The homely seen in a strange new light.  Your fleeting thoughts beam back at you from the newspaper.  Cecily has been the darling of New Zealand.  She’s been in the Listener, a regular in NEXT magazine, The Christchurch Press the Waikato Times.  Being a modern girl she has also splashed out into fabrics and cards, diaries and linen.  My excitement is in seeing how she takes to her new cultural playground.  Given that there are things in general and things specific to any culture, I’m keen to see what Cecily makes of Oz.  My faith that she will make the Tasman crossing with panache – with aplomb and without seasickness comes from my faith in and admiration for her creator Celia - a robust and light-hearted genius.  I’m sure Cecily will make a feast (for us all to share) of the least pangs of culture shock.  I’d like you to join with me in launching Cecily and welcoming Celia Allison to Oz.



References


Cline, Ann (1998) A Hut of One’s Own: Life Outside the Circle of Architecture. The MIT Press, Cambridge Massachusetts.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Ms Sensible Shoes

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Racing backwards


Racing backwards: the shape of a life
Racing backwards through the night in a clattering train, somewhere in Holland.
He winds down the train window and flicks the crushed cigarette packet out into the swift night air.

Startled, slack-faced at the irreversibility of it, he realized he had her number written on it. 
A WREN,
like him – caught up in a war;
like him – drawn and attracted;
like him – lost now to that possible future,
lost to the warm kiss of re-encounter,
resuming the unexpected ease eye to eye,
the unfurling possible.

So much went out the window:
- My chance never to have existed.
- His chance to have been loved
differently,
to find in love, more solace than he did.
Fugitive, as he was,
always -
from an unpleasable father.
Guilty:
for not having been the one to die
when his younger brother did - aged 9,
his childishly small fishing net never disposed of.

I never knew he even had a brother til he told me this story the last time I spoke in the flesh to him

How long to hold that?
How deep must that guilty furtiveness have burrowed?

The shape of a life, like a scrunched up foil and cellophane cigarette packet
(no filter)
hurtling through the dark
landing somewhere
unknown and unknowable,
until he could speak it.

Not all at once,
but a life in short gasps;
late at night
when I would come in
and have tea with him
at the green formica table
As he wrestled with night-shift, jet-lag,
Or wrestled to console me
when I would weep,
disconsolate and inconsolable
over a maths’ problem
The solution became clear through my tears and he
filled with consternation, helplessness and wonder
would marvel at this –
where had I come from?

That cipher was our link
and the stories flowed
stolen cheese melting and smelly in the air vents as the heating came on in a mine-sweeper in Greenland
and a picture of him, all young drunk vacancy, on the toilet…
and the cigarette-packet love…

Did you fancy her? I asked
“Aye”
He looked then
As he must have
When it first went out the window
That chance at another life.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Migrating

This blog may be migrating.  I have tried to claim it so that it will still operate, but if unsuccessful- I will establish a new blog - search for Quizzicalcontent.